Friday Laughs

29 Jul

It’s Friday of the long weekend and you know what that means?! Road trippin’ with Jamally this afternoon.

To ease that potential stress, maybe I’ll tell him some of these jokes during the car ride. I’ll bring a set of drums so I can “bu-dum-chang!” at the end of each joke. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.

I am signed on to a triathlete list serve and each day the list serve operator posts jokes at the end. Every day I know I’m going to get to read at least one joke.

This morning’s jokes are ones to make you smile, and I thought I’d share for your Friday Laughs. Enjoy!

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I was in the six-item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"


Wouldn’t it be great if that happened more often?
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, ‘When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?’
Artie said: ‘ I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.’
Eugene commented: ‘I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives.’
Al said: ‘I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’
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A man goes to a shrink and says, ‘Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?’
‘Relax,’ says the Doctor, ‘take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar? ‘
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’
The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’
The man replied, ‘My wife is poisoning me.’
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can that be?’
The man then pleads, ‘I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?’
The Rabbi then offers, ‘Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.’
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?’
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, ‘Take the poison’

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Today’s Question: Which is your favourite joke? I like the funeral one!

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